1st May 2000
Hi all,
Ladies and gentlemen... I present to you Mr Neil James Taylor (finally!!!).
Well its taken a whole week in Scotland to come up with some bizarre stuff, but suddenly the inspiration hit on the way as I was just about to hit London - like why was this lady parked on the chevrons of the High Wycombe entry road to the M40 with her wheels pointing in the direction of oncoming traffic and looking both ways to see if anything was coming???? Um perhaps she made the wrong turning......or maybe she was listening to the radio when on came the music "Do you know the way to San Jose (Tone...note correct spelling...:-) [very impressive - TD!!!])" ......obviously the writer was lost in some place and decided to write a song. Watch out for the new song "Dumfries and Galloway", by Neil Taylor in your shops soon - inspired by a forest, a road with passing places and a very lost person exclaiming "Dumfries and Galloway???" Alas to say that was me - I was trying a short cut via Carlisle at the time..........
CONGRATULATIONS are in order for Croydon Womens Football team who today (Monday 1st May) won the Womens FA Cup. You see there is more to Croydon than just a real living advertisment for Blue Circle cement - if youve been to Croydon you'll get what I mean.......... [Oh South London is wonderful... honestly! TD]
Well anyway I'm just writing this while having a nice cup of Nescafe Blend 37....so named because two tennis players played a single game of tennis lasting 37 minutes with an ASTONISHING (thats on the packet) 37 Deuces.....I particulrely liked the stunning selling slogen too ....."A Cup of Character thats a lot easier to swallow than this tale".
Well I believe that Alka Seltzer have just realised a new product called the "Signpost"....apparently you just walk into it and its cures even the worst of headaches.....tests are currently underway at Loch Lomand in Scotland.......they are also looking into the idea of non-slip petrol pumps in the Newmains area.....
NO CONGRATULATIONS go to Snooker player Mark Williams who this afternoon was having a few Maths problems. With the frame almost in the bag (with only the blue required) he lost way of his senses, potted the yellow instead of the green and then bungled potting the pink by potting the blue, messing up the position and snookering himself on the centre pocket - sadly he then left the pink for his opponent and lost the frame! DOH! BUT HE GETS SOME FOR WINNING THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP.
And Finally....a few thoughts to ponder.....
* If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
* If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
* Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
* How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
* Is it possible to have a civil war?
And a classic quote from a taxi driver in Bath while driving...
"Have you ever wondered why if cows eat grass why humans don't..... oh and by the way you wouldn't know the way to San Jose would you....its just my wife's trying to work out the last verse, she's been trying to do it since 1965......and needs to know where it is to complete the song...."
Until next time....goodbye....
Mr Bump (ouch!).
Main Archives
