21st May 2007
Hi all,
Had a really busy week, so thought I would cheat a little bit and instead of trying to raise laugh/smirk/smile/anything that isn't tears from you I'd just talk about what's been amusing me this week.
Let me just start by saying what hasn't amused me:
- Switching e-mail programs. Don't do this unless you really have to - it's more hassle than it's worth, especially if you rarely delete an e-mail in nine years of being online.
- Performance reviews. No, nothing to do with dancing/singing, just one of those work things which is currently trendy.
- Short pay. Self explanatory.
- Rotten cold. Say no more.
On the plus side, these things have amused me:
"Maybe you are Dragonslayer?"
The long-running plot in the final series of "Dream Team", with the continued wondering of who exactly is the mysterious Dragonslayer causing the amusement.
Well, not the wondering, but the person doing the wondering. He's meant to be a Spanish footballer called Miguel Lopez, but it turns out he's an English actor called James Floyd. Hmm. Once I found that out I couldn't take the accent seriously, and had to start imitating it through the show.
"Maybe you are Dragonslayer?"
"Are you sure you're not Dragonslayer?"
"I think you could be Dragonslayer."
By the way, I hate to add to the list of things which haven't amused me, but what are they doing to Jason Porter? I was almost screaming at the TV when the tracksuit tops got switched round last night. By the end of the series I wouldn't be surprised if they've turned him into Bruce Willis's character from "Pulp Fiction".
Anyway, on a related point...
Why are people in soaps suddenly talking to themselves?
I've seen this twice in the past week, and both times it was completely needless. Are they repeating these programmes on the radio? Am I missing something?
The first example featured a young girl in Eastenders who turned to the internet to get a date. I wasn't surprised she had to use the internet to get a date (n.b. don't ask me when my last date was before I met Lorraine, things will just get ugly), especially when she had to read aloud every word she typed! If someone did this at work I think I'd go mad.
Later in the week I was chilling out while Lorraine was watching a Skyplussed edition of "Neighbours". In between me asking, "Who's that again?" every two seconds there was an instance of Paul Robinson playing a computer game and talking his way through what he had to do.
Obviously all guys do this while playing games. Actually, no guy I know does this! They're more likely to configure a game so they can play some music in the background. If those in charge at "Neighbours" weren't trying to milk every last penny out of the BBC then perhaps they could have had Stefan Dennis's "Don't It Make You Feel Good" playing in the background instead of the inane and pointless chatter.
Conversely in "Dream Team" when Jason Porter was writing a letter to his fiancee they filmed it perfectly, showing him writing the letter and then adding actor Frankie Fitzgerald's voiceover to it. It's not difficult!
David Gest
I can't say I'm too thrilled about the number of musical-related shows on the TV at the moment. I'm not sure quite how Lorraine keeps up with them all. On Saturday nights I think one channel shows "Any Grease Will Do" and the other main channel shows "Joseph Is the Word", but with all the channel-hopping that goes on it's easy to get confused.
(Note to single men: This is the price you pay for watching the F.A. Cup Final without being nagged. You're better off just accepting it than fighting it.)
In among all the drearyness of it all is David Gest, who is about as amusingly random and strange as he was when he was on "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here". He's just very strange, but at some point during a show he will make me crack up, either because he's been very funny or because he has been bizarrely strange.
Adam Carolla's film ideas
I was listening to the second Bill Simmons podcast while driving last week, during the course of which Simmons and guest Adam Carolla started talking about the basic ingredients of bad films.
Carolla then started to discuss an idea he had for a film called "Pedaf Isle", where all the world's pedophiles are placed on one island to keep them out of everyone else's way. Then in June 2027 a plane full of cub scouts crashes on the island.
I know it doesn't sound funny, but it was extremely funny. Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that my friends and I laugh every time Americans butcher the word pedophile. When Carolla mentioned, "There's a fat kid with an inhaler" I was having to make sure I was keeping my eyes on the road. If this film ever gets made I won't wait for an Orange Wednesday, I'm seeing that on opening night.
Incidentally it doesn't seem like a new idea, as there were plenty of results for "Carolla film isle" when I searched for it on Google. I'm tempted to see if anyone's filmed a version and put it on YouTube. (Must... resist!)
My friend Martin and the dry Weetabix
Very obscure, and now an event which happened over ten years ago.
A group of us went out for a quiz night in a local Church hall. One of the rounds was to get a member from each team to eat a dry Weetabix as quickly as possible. My friend Martin managed to fit a whole Weetabix in his mouth in one go (a sight which words can't do justice to), and then proceeded to try and chew his way through it while everyone in the room was cracking up.
Unfortunately Martin finished second, in spite of his attempts to lessen the load by spraying out some fine pieces of Weetabix. Not a task for the faint hearted. Still something that brings a smile to my face when I think about it.
Peter Andre acting
This really caught my eye last week, when Lorraine was watching the latest Peter and Jordan programme. Right before my eyes Peter Andre was having an acting lesson, holding onto his coaches' shoulders and repeating, "To be or not to be, that is the question." The lack of emotion and the Australian accent made this ridiculously funny, to the point where I nearly spat my tea across the room.
At least when his latest acting lesson was shown a few days ago I was prepared. Rather like David Gest though I was left wondering what was real, and what was just for the cameras. Does Peter Andre really think he's got a future in acting? Really?
Have a good week!
Tony
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