15th January 2007
Hi all,
Lorraine and I have had one of those weekends where we battle for supremacy of the television. It would have been worse in the days before we had Sky+, but even with that the capacity of our box has diminished from around 55% to 25% at one point on Sunday.
Working against me during a great weekend of sport is the fact that I no longer have to face just one opponent, as there's now Chloe to consider. While she's not quite old enough to demand to watch CBeebies she is old enough to find her way around to the side of the television and either, a) change the input (effectively switching off the Sky+ box), or b) turn it off altogether.
Not that she gets anything like close when Lorraine's reality TV marathon is in progress. And so I come back to what looks like being an annual series of ridiculing Soapstar Superstar, won this year by Antony Cotton. For those of you who don't know, he's a camp gay man who plays the part of a camp gay man in Coronation Street. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that he should win a Hugh Grant "It isn't acting if you're just being yourself" award.
Incidentally it isn't quite the same thing, but one of my favourite ever pieces of amusing criticism came from my university housemate Dan, who summarised Meg Ryan's career by listing her films and then adding, "Starring Meg Ryan as the dizzy blonde!" after each one. In the words of Homer Simpson, "It's funny because it's true."
Anyway, Cotton and Grant need to have a race to "pull a Cruise", i.e. grow their hair and audition for the role of a bitter, wheelchair-confined war veteran. That will get them taken seriously. If only there was such a role where the war veteran had a penchant for Shirley Bassey, then we know who'd get that role.
In addition to Soapstar Superstar I've also had to put up with Celebrity Big Brother. Putting this on in January is just asking for trouble in our household, as it clashes with the NFL play-offs. Needless to say I wasn't best pleased as the Chicago-Seattle game entered the closing stages with the score tied and the clock hit 9pm, the time that the TV goes onto Channel 4.
Is anything really happening with Celebrity Big Brother anyway? When Lorraine and I first saw Carole Malone we both said, "Who's that?" at the same time as one another. Now she seemed like a decent enough person, but can she really count as a celebrity? Channel 4 seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel with this class of housemates. And was there really any need to bring Jade back? This isn't the Jade of almost five years ago, this is the older (i.e. experienced), wiser (i.e. advised) and quieter (okay, maybe that's a stretch) Jade. Only two possible things could have made this better:
1) If you're going to try and recreate the Jade effect with her mother, at least put her in circumstances similar to her early 20s (i.e. the age Jade was when she first became a public figure). Yep, a 1960s themed Big Brother. Horrible wallpaper, horrible fashion and most of all pre-metric finances to use on the weekly shopping.
2) Stretch Leo Sayer a little further. Against my will I had to watch Friday night's show while having my lunch on Saturday. Whoever thought Leo Sayer could be such a headcase? Seeing him crash through the fire exit and proceed to try and start a fight with two huge security guards was hysterical. Pity we're not seeing more of him.
Some friends of ours just around the corner from us look after Chloe on a regular basis for us. They recently had some new neighbours move in next-door, which I had forgotten about until I found myself standing by my friends' front door and wondering where a growling sound was coming from. I turned round and saw a tiny dog with an attitude that didn't suit an animal of its' size. That's what Leo Sayer's like, a tiny dog aware of his size (not to mention comedy hair) and aggressive in spite of it.
Why did Channel 4 ruin it? Nurture him a little bit and then wind him up again, like they did with Nadia and her (or should that be "his"?) cigarettes a few years ago. Gah.
Stupid question of the weekend: "What type of car is it?" Asked by yours truly during a telephone conversation with Neil Taylor on Saturday evening. "Well," he said answering me in a manner which I completely deserved, "It's got four wheels..." As the conversation continued I ended up being overly guarded about quite as stupid again. "What model is it?" I asked, before clarifying, "Don't say Sophie Anderton!"
In case you were wondering, we were discussing cars, car prices and car insurance groups. We did discuss some mundane things as well, in case you hadn't guessed.
Have a good week!
Tony
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