24th October 2005
Hi all,
I got home a little later than usual last Thursday night. When I got home I found Lorraine watching the TV, watching some frankly disconcerting programmes.
The first was another of the many pregnancy/childbirth programmes that seem to be on these days. Needless to say I didn't realise quite how many of these existed until Lorraine became pregnant herself, now she's watching as many as she possibly can in preparation for her own labour.
(N.B. Needless to say I'm just the opposite, watching junk most of the time that I'm in before I have to endure fifteen straight years of watching Nickelodeon and channels of a similar theme. I'm really enjoying Celebrity Poker Club at the moment, for everything from the appalling play of the likes of Gareth Hunt and Ally McCoist to the comedy exits of people like Johnny Vegas. Genius show.)
Anyway, Lorraine and I were talking about our respective days, when all of a sudden there was a scene with a new mother frying something that looked hideous. "What on earth is that?" I asked Lorraine. "She's cooking her placenta," replied my wife. "Apparently there's goodness in it." At this point I decided that this was one pregnancy programme too many for my liking, especially as I had eaten an iffy fast-food lunch earlier in the day (cold hamburger, sour Coke - guesses on the establishment to the usual address please).
The worrying thing was that Lorraine then turned over to an old edition of 3-2-1 on Challenge TV. Now there's a reason that 3-2-1 didn't make Ant 'n' Dec's Gameshow Marathon of ITV's best quiz shows, and that's because when you look back at it you realise it was mince. Furthermore it has aged really badly. REALLY badly. Consider the following:
1) The winner only took one prize away.
Yes, only one prize. You go a long way, take time off work, have your face go out on television where your friends will ridicule you for years to come, and you get to win just one prize at the end of the night. One contestant, one prize. And it isn't like "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" either in terms of quality of prizes.
2) The one prize is likely to be naff.
After guessing through the various clues the winning couple end up with one remaining clue, which they have calculated is either a car or a holiday. On this particular episode the prize was the family's very own property in Tenerife, fee free for the first five years. "Hang on," I said to Lorraine, "That's a timeshare!" Imagine going on a game show and winning something you're eventually going to have to start forking out money for. Great, not to mention that to me the only thing I can imagine that would be worse than winning a property in Tenerife is winning two properties in Tenerife (but that's just me).
One of the other prizes that the couple rejected was a sports set for their sons. Included in the sports set was croquet equipment, just what every young boy wants to play with their brothers and friends. The only way that would have been seen on the streets was if you used it to have jousts on their BMXs.
When I was a kid I used to be disappointed when the couples didn't win Dusty Bin. At least now I have some logic to go with that feeling.
3) Really bad entertainment acts.
The fact is we're spoiled these days. Major pop stars go on Ant 'n' Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway and the like. In the 1980s 3-2-1 had guff cabaret groups and minor light entertainment. In the show Lorraine turned onto a couple attempted to perform a spoof of Torville and Dean's Bolero routine, which was uncomfortably embarrassing to watch.
What is amusing now is that in the coming weeks it is almost certain that the hotel/cruise ship/cabaret insult will be thrown out at some of the X-Factor finalists. The judges either need to see some of these old 3-2-1 re-runs to see some really talentless performers, or actually say, "It was like something you would see on a repeat of 3-2-1," as a critique.
4) ... with really bad clothing.
When these same performers have outfits more in keeping with holiday reps than holiday entertainers there really is a big problem. Some really ghastly outfits. I don't remember the 1980s being that bad.
5) Ridiculous clues.
I didn't take a note of any of these, but a few really did make me scrunch my eyes up and turn to Lorraine with a look I normally make when she suggests having something without meat for dinner. Ludicrous, and this was prime-time entertainment in the 1980s!
6) Ted Rogers.
I feel a bit guilty about this, speaking ill of the dead after all, but what else did Ted Rogers do in his career? A look at his Wikipedia page indicates some work in the 1960s, but not too much else during or after the 3-2-1 era. Pretty harmless, pretty mundane, friendly enough but not in the class of Bruce Forsyth or Bob Monkhouse.
It is also worth noting that he was one of the more public supporters of the Conservative Government of the time, which is probably why my parents chose to watch that on a Saturday night. Dusty Bin was seemingly not for turning, which is more than can be said for the TV in our house when 3-2-1 appears these days.
Have a good week!
Tony
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