27th June 2005
Hi all,
As many of you know I love the MTV show "Pimp My Ride". It's got everything. A quirky and entertaining host, quirky and entertaining mechanics and ultimately some dazzling results as clapped out old cars are restored above and beyond their former glories.
Needless to say when I sat down for lunch yesterday in the middle of a PMR marathon I was delighted. What better way to be entertained than to see a rusty old van fitted with a hot tub?
As the day wore on and I went to pick Lorraine up from her work I realised something. The PMR marathon was just a taster for something else. That something else was the UK edition of Pimp My Ride. How would I describe such a show? Beyond disappointing.
I'd like to say that was a surprise, but a little while ago I heard that Radio 1 DJ Tim Westwood would be hosting the show, so I wasn't at all surprised. For those of you who don't know Westwood hosts a rap show, in spite of the fact that Gail Porter correctly pointed out that he's the son of a vicar. Street cred? Street cringe more like.
Furthermore there have been times when I have accidentally flicked onto Radio 1 when Westwood's show has been on, and it isn't good. In my opinion he sounds ridiculously fake, masking discomfort by raising his own volume. And if I didn't dislike him already I also heard about him hosting a Radio 1 show in Atlanta. Yes, this loser got to visit one of my favourite places in the world on a busman's holiday.
Needless to say to see Westwood's face on my television, trying to imitate Xzibit with the whole, "She has no idea, I'm about to pimp her ride!" spiel didn't go down well. The show needs someone with a bit of character and credibility, someone who has had at least one rap hit. Where's Derek B these days? Surely he would have been a better choice?
(Incidentally I could seriously think of PMR hosts for a vast number of countries. In Sweden they could have Dr. Alban. The Dutch version could be presented the guy from 2 Unlimited. And although they're not rappers the Scottish version should definitely be presented by The Proclaimers.)
Proving just how far away from "street" Westwood is he turns up at the lucky person's door (a young lady called Bethan - seemingly the "y" from her name is missing, along with most of her car's critical components), rings the bell and turns round and gives an excruciating double thumbs up gesture to the camera. Given that this was preceded by some Xzibit-esque posturing (without the ability to pull it off seriously or be funny) this couldn't be any more out of place. It's like someone went back forty years in a time machine, picked up Jimmy Savile and brought him back to the present day for this. Let's just rename the show "Jim'll Fix Your Ride".
After the customary tour of the car in question Westwood sets about driving it away to be fixed up. "I hope nobody sees me!", he yells at the camera. You're driving it on a TV programme you plank, you do it to be seen! It isn't one of your radio shows, that's why you're looking at a camera. To make things even worse the location of the workshop is just called "Garage" and appears to be in a soulless industrial estate. West Coast Customs this is not.
To compound his earlier errors Westwood then decides that he'll not just sit in on the discussion about what to do to the car, but he'll chair the meeting! There are two things wrong here. Firstly this is the part of the American show where Xzibit is nowhere to be seen. That's because he knows he's the host, he knows his role. Secondly, what kind of expertise does Westwood have to justify sitting in on such a meeting? You're not Q! You can't do that!
I should be fair at this point and say that the crew at the unnamed garage won me over somewhat. They did a pretty nice job on the Morris Minor and didn't scrimp on any options, even if they were somewhat limited by the size of car. They seemed professional and nice, and I also liked the touch where it showed them in the workshop at 4.30am trying to get the job finished.
Queue Westwood to muck things up. When he brought Bethan back to see her Morris Minor the car is revealed (at which point Bethan shows a typically British understated expression), and he introduces her to the manager. "This is Jamie, the manager," he says. "He'll show you your new ride." Again, two things are wrong here. First of all the manager becomes somewhat obvious without introduction. I've never heard Xzibit introduce Q to anyone. Secondly you're in Britain, call it a car!
At the end of the show (after the appalling attempt of the traditional, "Thank you MTV for pimping my ride!") I put my hands over my face and announced to Lorraine that, "I could almost cry." At that point I noticed that Cookie was looking at me with the same worried expression that he had when Lorraine wasn't well earlier in the evening. Yes, it was that bad.
The show can't match up to the American version. The cars won't be as outlandish, the mechanics aren't as colourful and the host can't hold a candle to Xzibit. The good news? It can't get much worse. If it does I think Cookie will be pulling me out of the door for a walk at 10pm on Sunday nights.
Have a good week!
Tony
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