6th June 2005
Hi all,
As some of you will already know Lorraine and I got some good news recently. For those of you who don't know the news is that by approximately mid-December we'll be parents. Yep, our first child is on the way.
When I say that it is good news I should say that everyone keeps saying it is good news. For the most part I'm positive myself, but I do have concerns and worries, namely:
1) Lorraine's health.
When your wife is expecting (by the way, I hate the "p" word and refuse to use it) everyone starts saying how fantastic it is and how much you must be looking forward to everything.
Of course these same people don't live with your wife and see what she goes through everyday. Let me say this for starters - morning sickness is as advertised. At the moment cornflakes, minced beef and any pork related products have a zero percent chance of appearing before Lorraine at the table.
In addition to throwing up Lorraine's diabetes complicates this. If she throws a meal up then she has nothing to act with her insulin, which can bring on a hypo, which really isn't a lot of fun at the best of times, let alone now when they're coming on really quickly and with very little warning.
On top of this Lorraine has had a really hefty cough for the past four weeks which she just can't shift. Absolutely fantastic. And I've no doubt there is plenty more along these lines still to come (I haven't read anything because I'm not sure I want to know what's coming).
Needless to say all the people who are really gleefully happy about Lorraine's condition are not the same people who have to live with all the complications. And that's just the first thing which has me worried all the time.
2) Money.
"Having a baby is great," people say. "It is fantastic watching them grow and develop." Yep, growing out of clothes and furniture for a start. Then lets throw in all the other accessories like baths, car seats and countless other things that new parents can't be without.
Here it doesn't help that people keep helping in two ways:
i) Showing Lorraine something useful, which I'll question the use of. At that point I'm reminded of my expertise on the subject (i.e. none).
ii) Offering us suggestive questions, of which my favourite two are, "Is Lorraine stopping work after the birth?" and "Are you going to get a bigger car?" I don't know how much people think I earn, but if you'd like to see my P60 for last year I'll happily show you it and you can have a good laugh (funnier than anything I've written in this thought most likely). Get a new job? I can't buy an interview, let alone a new job. Forget that.
I suppose some things are cyclical. When I moved out of home I was largely skint, then I got to a point where I could get by. When Lorraine and I were first married we were skint, but we've got to a point where each month we're relatively okay and we're alright. We'll probably be skint when the baby comes along. Unfortunately by the time the cycle comes round again we'll probably have a child old enough to get a bus to the shops themselves. Happy days!
Just when you come to think, "Somehow, we'll get by," there's a new radio news soundbite which states that a survey has just found that it costs approximately four million pounds to raise a child. Fantastic, send a cold shiver down my spine and get me thinking about what food used to taste like when I was a student. Can someone get me an estate agent's phone number along with a decent sized cardboard box?
Let's be realistic. If single-mother chavs cope then I hope we'll be able to. However we do of course get punished for being a regular married couple who are having children. I suspect I'll have to get a second job quicker than you can say "European Working Time Directive". Perhaps I can find something easy and well paying to do, such as working in a factory making American flags in Fallujah. (How much is a flight out to Iraq? Does anyone know?)
3) Can I be a good Dad?
In December 1990 my Dad took those of us who had been with him during the Crystal Palace-Liverpool game to a party that evening. As there were a lot of people he knew via work there he had to introduce those of us with him to other people there. "And over there," he said, glass of whiskey in one hand while the other pointed in my direction, "He's mine. If anything goes wrong with him I'm responsible." Way to go Dad, glad you're so proud of me (n.b. this was about three hours after he told me off for swearing during the game, which is a bit like Saddam Hussein criticising any other country's record on human rights).
Apparently this isn't the first time such a father/son relationship has worked this way in the Dobson family. According to my Mum (heard presumably through my Gran) my Dad had the same thing with his Grandad. So while the thought of having a son could be exciting I don't want history to repeat itself.
By the way that is also a very good reason why I would actually be pleased to have a daughter, so to all the female peers I knew in Hampshire who think it would be knicker-wettingly amusing for me to have a daughter then I'm sorry to say you couldn't be more wrong (as usual).
Oddly I remember a conversation I had with a lady in California when I went out there following my graduation from University. She was the mother of a friend of mine, and as I was staying at the family home I got to know her quite well, and have to say I consider her to be one of the wisest people I've ever met. Needless to say then that when she suggested I would be a good father (sorry, I can't remember the exact quote) I was a bit taken aback (especially given that I couldn't buy a date by the Guildhall Steps in Portsmouth at the time, much less considered that anyone would actually marry me). I don't know why she thought that, but it gives me a bit of hope.
It isn't all doom and gloom. I am excited. In amid the mind-numbing boredom of sitting in waiting rooms while Lorraine speaks with diabetic specialists after scans I ponder things. Who will our baby look like? Who will it be like in character? I do think about that stuff, it is just that I worry about a lot as well. After all, amid the happiness and excitement someone has to think about what is actually taking place. Hopes and fears, but too often the darkness blocks out the sun. Hopefully when our child is born it will remove the clouds and I'll be able to look at the bigger picture.
Have a good week!
Tony
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