30th May 2005
Hi all,
Some thoughts that crossed my mind while wasting two hours of my life flicking between the Scottish Cup Final and the League Two play-off final on Saturday afternoon (two awful games).
Is anyone else disappointed that the Michael Jackson trial reanactments on Sky News don't have anything to do with the team from Bo Selecta?
It's funny, but I actually felt a lot better about the thought of turning 30 once I learnt that Kim Medcalf was already past that milestone.
Top tip for guys who like football who are bored in the summer - go to
www.soccerbase.com. Problem solved.
Nightmares of a wedding guest, #1: Getting ready for the wedding, your wife comes out of the bathroom, sporting a few cuts on her legs before informing you, "You haven't got much shaving gel left." You don't say! (Thankfully you can't drive for more than about five minutes these days without falling over a big supermarket. Problem solved.)
Nightmares of a wedding guest, #2: As the vicar asks everyone to stand for the entrance of the bride you stand up, and habitually put your right hand on your left wrist. However something doesn't seem right. Sure enough when you sit down you realise you've lost a button from the sleeve of your suit jacket. Far too late to get it fixed anywhere as well. (Hopefully no-one noticed.)
Incidentally at the wedding Lorraine and I were at recently they did something interesting with the tables at the reception. Going along with popular convention the tables weren't numbered (good, because that always stops the people stuck on table 13 from thinking, "Hmph, I'm glad we didn't spend much on their present!"), but instead named after countries the bride and groom had visited. Lorraine and I were on the Australian table. On each table was a card. On the inside was the menu, while on the outside was that nation's flag along with facts about the country, e.g. population, language, major religion, etc. On our card Australia's major exports were listed as "Ores and metals; wool, food and live animals; fuels, transport machinery and equipment". What a shame that Australia's most notable export was not included - barstaff.
(Just kidding, Aussie readers.)
Hello to all the nutcases who were with us on the Australia table by the way. Just for you all I'll try really hard not put the word spleen into this thought. (D'oh!)
The award for the most stupid phrase I use once a month on the telephone is this: "I'd like to pay an instalment of my council tax." Like? LIKE? I might as well say, "Hello, yes, I'd like you to amputate a limb without anything to kill the pain." What I really should say is, "I don't want to pay this, but legally I have to. Bah!"
There's no worse feeling in the morning than getting to the train station and realising that your season ticket is at home. Okay, that's a lie. There are worse feelings in the morning, but for those of us who don't drink that's about as bad as it gets.
Conversely there's no better feeling than waking up in the morning after you've had a really good sleep. In addition to this you were in such a sound sleep that you wake up and can't think what day it is, but know that there is always a one in seven chance that it is Saturday. Good times (until you realise it is Tuesday morning, that is).
Hey, how about this for an idea - people give to charities without getting anything back? No wristbands, no ribbons, no additional expenditure for the charities, more money for them to work towards their own goals. Any chance this could happen? (And yes, I do have a "Stand Up Speak Up" band, so I'm probably the wrong person to be saying that.)
Like a lot of other companies my workplace is now in the business of outsourcing some work to India. In an unusual twist though we've actually got some employees from India in the office at the moment, one of whom insists on wearing a bodywarmer at all times. Honestly, I'm getting warm just thinking about it.
I'm not commenting on Big Brother this year, except to remind you that Science isn't dull.
I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I'd like to thank the person who left a version of themselves singing "Live and Let Die" on my answerphone last weekend. It was a work of genius.
You know you have good friends when they call you while they're on their flight, half-way across the Atlantic to New York. I dread to think how much it cost, but it is nice to know that they were thinking of me.
Not that anyone cares, but everytime I try to type the word "Atlantic" I start to type "Atlanta" instead. I want to go back, as soon as I possibly can.
And finally, hats off to "Dream Team", Sky One's football drama series that ended another season last night. Actually it might have finished for good, I haven't been paying attention. Nice comedic, farcical happenings last night, particularly when the Police discovered the body of Karl Fletcher in the boot of Barker's car (sorry, but for some reason it was very funny). Best of all though was the use of footage from last year's play-off final for use in the game, albeit tinted to make Palace's red and blue hordes a Harchester shade of purple. Last year's yellow away kit was supposedly orange. I'm going a funny shade myself. I particularly liked making Bobby Zamora's offside goal an injury time incident, and also using the clip of the West Ham fan crying in his seat. I couldn't have enjoyed it any more than I did, even if the hire car/team coach explosion was utterly implausible.
(One more year! One more year!)
Have a good week!
Tony
Main Archives
