28th February 2005
Hi all,
A few things which came to mind at the same time that my Fantasy Baseball League's 2005 draft took over my life.
You know you've watched too much motor racing in your life when you're at a petrol station and you don't completely fill your car up to enable you to get better "till position".
No, I'm not watching "Anatomy for Beginners". Did you really expect me to? (Can someone open a window? I need some fresh air.)
There are e-mails, weird e-mails, spam, and then there is spam sent with your boss's name on it. Just a coincidence, I know, but weird nevertheless.
I love the fact there is a ticket inspector at Motherwell train station called Ramon. I do want to call him Razor one time though.
The thing which continually cracks me up at the moment are my friends Nick and Pat doing their impressions of Mark Lawrenson telling awful jokes on "Match of the Day". "Tell you what, Gary..." (No, don't please!)
Well done to the pundit who recently observed "The thing about Death Row movies is that they're about capital punishment", when talking about "The Green Mile". I'm trying to think of a comparable statement, but can't think of anything so blindly obvious off the top of my head.
I've gone right off the Grammys since I found out that the Grammy Brian Wilson won was his first. About forty years too late in my opinion.
One of the fun things about Valentine's Day are the repeats of the Lionel Ritchie "Hello" video. I love the way each viewing of it raises new questions. This year's prime question is this: If the girl he's phoning is blind why does she need to have the light on while she's reading at night?
Do you think the members of En Vogue ever look at Destiny's Child and think, "That should have been us!"
Recently I bought some cheap screenwash for my car. It is a destinct shade of blue and smells horrible. If I was Terrell Owens I would say, "If it looks like meths and smells like meths, by golly, it is meths."
For anyone interested this year I've named my fantasy baseball team "Taxi for Furcal", in honour of the Braves' drink-driving shortstop. More taxis, less getting behind the wheel please, Rafael.
When men run off with their step-son's fianc?e don't they realise they're going to become infamous via a headline on a generic women's magazine front page? Naturally the front page features a picture of generic model wearing a jumper, just in case you were wondering.
One of the few benefits of commuting into work on the train is seeing someone wake up on the way home, then frantically look around to try and get an idea of where on earth they are. Anything's better than talking to a fellow commuter, obviously.
I'm actually quite excited the Celebrity Fame Academy is back. I'm hoping an incident will occur which will lead to Richard Park calling them, "A bit of a rogue, a bit of a charlatan" in honour of my favourite ever Fame Academy moment.
One last gem from my nutrionist before she left for her new job. She asked how Lorraine and I met, and I explained how Lorraine's brother was going out with a friend of mine. Seemingly this made my nutrionist ask the following about my brother-in-law: "Is he gay?" This was in spite of the fact that she sat at the desk next to me when I told all the stories about my brother-in-law's wedding. I guess men and women still can't be friends, because some issues must clearly still get in the way.
When you've had three straight nights of not getting to sleep by 1am the last thing you need is to wipe snow off your car's windscreen in the morning.
Here is my current three-stage plan for dealing with sore throats. 1) Have lots of hot drinks. 2) Strepsils. 3) Cepacol!
Just when you thought Cookie couldn't get any cuter he begins to come in from outside with a light dusting of snow on his coat. I really should have had the camera ready so I could sell the picture to Christmas card companies. I swear he thinks he's a husky.
If past years are any indication I will probably finish watching the recording of this year's NBA All-Star game in its entirety around about late November.
Just our luck, Palace get demolished by a terrific Arsenal performance, and then Arsenal decide to play like Instant Whip did in the 1993 BEDSSSOC for the rest of the season.
For me early mornings don't get much better than reading "MIAMI DOLPHINS RELEASE QUARTERBACK JAY FIEDLER" on the Sky Sports News ticker while I'm having my breakfast.
I would put my mortgage on trulybizarre.co.uk sledging queen Lucy Partridge booking days off work as soon as she saw snow was forecast.
Speaking of sledging, my favourite ever use of the word came in a headline above a letter my friend Nick wrote to the Portsmouth Sports Mail. "Stop the Sledging". The topic in question? Cricket. I kid you not.
If everyone it taking turns to remix minor hits from the 1980s and re-release them as dance songs I'm bagging "You Little Thief" by Feargal Sharkey when my turn comes around.
Finally unfortunately the flowers I got Lorraine for Valentine's Day have now died and wilted - it seems they don't make garage flowers like they used to.
(I'm joking, no really I am.)
Have a good week!
Tony
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