27th December 2004
Hi all,
I have been doing a little bit of trawling to find a nice batch of funny news stories to share with you....... from a Bullsye perspective.
"OK this is Bully's prize board. Remember, keep out of the black and in the red - nothing in this game for two in a bed."
In 1... Christmas tree accidents are apparently rife in U.S. About 5,800 Americans are expected to be treated in emergency rooms for falls that occur while decorating Christmas trees and hanging holiday ornaments, according to a study by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. "Decorating-related injuries account for about 1 percent of the 1.9 million injuries from falls each season." Men are 40 percent more likely to suffer such an injury. (probably as they are 40% more likely to be ordered up the ladder and endure commands like, "Left a bit, right a bit, just there...", "ARRRGGH!")
In 2... Husbands fed up with their wives' Christmas shopping frenzies will be able to watch football in creches set up specially for men, Marks and Spencer has announced. "The creches are equipped with everything to keep men entertained while their other halves are punishing the plastic... Men can enjoy a drink, watch a film or a football match or even play like children with remote-control quad bikes,". Now that sounds like a great idea to me!
IN 3... Firms have been urged to make sure their staff do not injure themselves at office parties by dancing on desks or photocopying parts of their body.
"Workers should resist the temptation to photocopy parts of their body as there is a risk of glass if the machine breaks." Um and what about the risk from blindness, tie caught in the paper feeder and burns... they didn't mention those...
In 4... The world's biggest gathering of Santa Clauses has ended in a mass brawl. CS spray and batons had to be used to break up the fighting Santas. Some 4,200 people dressed as Father Christmas gathered in a small Welsh town for a charity festive fun run. Just imagine if this happened in Liverpool - you would have 4000 Santas going around shouting "Eh eh, calm down eh!" ...although of course they probably have forgotton the Santa suits...
In 5... A town called "Luck" has lived up to its name by turning up the winning ticket in Spain's Christmas lottery, one of the world's biggest prizes known as El Gordo (The Fat One). The ticket which scooped a prize of 390 million euros (204 million pounds) was sold at a lottery office called The Golden Witch (La Bruixa D'Or) in the town of Sort, which in the Catalan language means "luck". I guess that's what you call lucky!!! More than from Less Than (which translated into English means double the price car insurance)...or are this lot trying to pull my leg...
And Bully's special prize...
An Adelaide man has been questioned by police after bashing his car with a sledgehammer when it refused to start. Australian police said when they arrived at the man's house they found the car had been extensively damaged. "The man stated he became frustrated when the car wouldn't start," a police spokesman said. Obviously when questioned by his wife he replied "Don't worry dear its only a commercial!!!"...
"So a nice set of prizes you've won there boys, but do you want to gamble those for tonight's star prize right there behind Bully. Remember the money you've won that's safe, so what's it gonna be boys? They're gonna gamble, good luck boys."
"That's 1... and another 1... and another... bad luck. Treble 20, Treble 20... 100!!!!!"
(I know that doesn't equal 100 - I think Neil is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder from taking Maths at 'A' Level - TD).
"Well done you've won a Ford Fiesta..."
"Great! Thanks for watching. See you next week, super audience better than last week..."
Remember, you can't beat a bit of Bully! Bye!
Neil
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