20th December 2004
Hi all,
Merry Christmas to you all. It's the time of peace and goodwill to all men, except the little brats in our street who keep throwing things at people's windows (including ours). Enough intro, onto the seasonal observations.
According to the scale of presents under the tree the most popular person in our house this Christmas is Cookie. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about this.
I really hope I'm not the only heterosexual male who likes the Pet Shop Boys' music.
Top 3 musical impressions of all-time by my friends, peers and people I've known:
* Nick Tanter's "Somewhere Down The Crazy River" by Robbie Robertson.
* Ben Matsen's "Spaceman" by Babylon Zoo.
* Patrick Lay's "Don't It Make You Feel Good" by Stefan Dennis.
Hard to put a ranking on those. That's why they're asterisked, not numbered. Nick gets bonus points for versatility (carrying off both lead and backing vocals), Ben gets a tip of the hat for reaching a high pitch without an intake of helium, and Pat, well, words can't do it justice.
If any American readers would like to get me the Chicago Bulls Dynasty Series DVD I would be very appreciative. You might even get a name check in a future edition of these thoughts (ooh, there's an incentive - don't all rush at once). By the way, for anyone who plays NBA Live with friends, if you're looking for an even match-up in a two-player game I'd suggest picking the two All-Star teams. My brother-in-law and I found this out after an evening full of mismatches and raining 3-point shots from half-court.
Here's a couple of special words to any readers in Buffalo, New York: "Wide right!"
I wouldn't say the cleaners at work do a poor job, but if they were a character in Dallas they'd be Dusty Farlow.
Is there a sadder sign of aging than thinking, "Hey, the music on Radio 2 is a lot better than I remember it being"?
Here's a question for any Australian readers - what on earth is a "dartabase"?
I wonder if anyone was inspired by the latest series of "I'm a Celebrity..." into naming their son Jacob?
Anyone want a Caramac? Not that I have one, was just curious.
Can someone wake me up when this whole Eastenders "incest" plotline is finished with? It is implausible and ridiculous, thanks.
Just when I thought nothing could beat the Christmas card to "Tony & Elaine" (from a couple who were at our wedding, no less) we get a card to "Gavin, Valerie and the girls". As a footnote to this Cookie was far from impressed when I asked rhetorically, "Is he one of the girls?"
Presently my favourite bit of random entertainment is Dave from the Radio 1 Breakfast show singing the theme song from "The Love Boat" as a filler. "Love, exciting and new..."
It is around this time of year that you hear "Fairytale of New York" on the radio and think of Kirsty MacColl's tragically young passing.
If I ever run for political office I'll offer alternatives to making the cost of living higher for sensible people. Instead I'll put a luxury tax on people who have things like over-the-top Christmas decorations outside their houses and personalised number plates on the cars.
(You can tell I watch too much American sports. Where else do you hear about a luxury tax? I ask you.)
Off the top of my head, here are three women alive today who I could never have married:
1) Jackie Christie.
2) Victoria Beckham.
3) Joyce Tazzar (naturally).
There is nothing worse that having someone give you a condescending comment at work and having to bite your tongue instead of returning the favour to them.
How not to pull at Christmas, lesson 1 (in a series of... 1): "Would you like a mince pie?" "No thanks, they've got suet in them." (Cue me looking for suet among the ingredients.)
You remember those drugs that used to be given to Eastern-block gymnasts? Is there any chance they've got any left for Little Ant and Dec?
On behalf of everyone who watched the Manchester United vs Crystal Palace game on Premiership Plus, thank you Sky for giving us Alan Parry and Tony Cottee to listen to! If there is no chance of me getting my ?6 back can we have a "no commentary" option instead please?
Big shout to a couple of friends of mine who I have not heard from in a while - Matt & Scott, hope you're both well.
Looking back, can you believe East 17 weren't considered a novelty act? The video for "Stay Another Day" with them wearing white parkas is just hysterical today.
For those of you who were wondering what I got in my Christmas Dip last week let me tell you. I got a note saying, "Your Secret Santa is blonde and left your present at home this morning." This is clearly the second-best present I've ever got out of one of a Christmas Dip.
And to close, a daft observance from the ashes of my office Christmas lunch. My boss being my boss we ended up in some kind of glorified medieval pub in Glasgow. I think the sequel to "The Mask of Zorro" is being filmed there. Anyway, there were candles aplenty there, or should I say
everywhere. In the middle of this scene was a live band playing "Light My Fire" (of all things). If I had to rank what things had the highest chance of being lit on fire in the building I would put the following items at the top of the list:
1) The ridiculously large curtain that swung over the staircase.
2) The anorexic Christmas tree alongside the staircase.
3) My jacket (at least I could have smouldering looks for once in my life).
Have a great Christmas!
Tony
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