29th November 2004
Hi all,
An absolute plethora of goodies for you this week, contemplating the good, the bad and the ugly of life in general.
First off, I'm sure a few of you would like an update on our new wooden floor, and how our four-legged friend has adapted to it. Well I'm sorry to be boring but Cookie has been absolutely fine on it. A little bit noisier perhaps, but there haven't been any slides of note. The nearest we got to that was when I took him (gently) around the room, as he sat up in his bed and I dragged it behind me, making him look like royalty on a coach. For some reason he wasn't impressed with this.
Lorraine is proud as punch of our new floor, but at the same time she is paranoid about anything marking or scratching it. I don't think we're far aware from putting up a frame with the request "No high-heels or black-soled shoes please" in the living room.
Part of me is tempted to get a basketball out of a cupboard and dribble it up and down the room, although it would make my life not worth living. Unfortunately our floor is nothing like the famous floor of the Boston Garden, but given that a team called the Celtics played there I don't think there was much chance of Lorraine approving of that. I'm getting back into basketball a bit, given that the American college season is just starting on NASN and the NBA has moved to Channel 5. As an added personal bonus I'm getting the Chicago Bulls Dynasty series DVD box-set for Christmas (don't let the title mislead you - there's not a Colby or Carrington to be seen, just 922 minutes of action from the Bulls six championship seasons).
I've been in prize wife-annoying mode this past week. Nothing unusual there, except that I've been annoying my own wife instead of other people's wives.
My most notable instance of this came on Saturday night during yet another ITV/ITV2 marathon of X-Factor programs (the lesser of two evils when compared with "Strictly Come Dancing"). Upon noticing that Kerry Katona was a guest on the X-Tra Factor (looking very nice with her new brunette look, by the way) I realised how quickly she had shed "McFadden" as a surname, when she is nowhere near being a divorcee yet.
"Is Katona her maiden name?" asked Lorraine. It was a question that begged for a stupid answer. "No," I said, "She just picked a surname at random from the phone book." Needless to say that went down well, as Lorraine was laughing a lot while she proceeded to give me a dead arm. (Incidentally do women gain physical strength the longer they are in a relationship? When I first knew Lorraine she would have struggled to knock over a cardboard cutout. Not any longer.)
And of course with "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" being back on the TV Lorraine is in her element. More reality viewing for her. Needless to say I couldn't be happier that Joe Pasquale is back in the public eye. "I know a song that'll get on your nerves..." Well, it's certainly getting on Lorraine's nerves, especially first thing in the morning.
This week sees the release of Band Aid 20. I was going to write something about how it isn't a patch on the original, but then I saw the video for the 1989 version on VH1 and thought better of it. For those of you who don't remember the 1989 version let me just say that Jason Donovan, Sonia, Bros and Big Fun were all prominently involved. Maybe the 80s weren't as great as I remember?
Anyway, something I knew would be sure to get a reaction came when I saw the presence of Dizzee Rascal in the song. What kind of musical purist would object to the presence of a rapper in the song? Neil Taylor perhaps? When I spoke to Neil on the phone last week I had to ask, "Neil, what do you think of the rap sections of the song?" Cue a long, rambling vent of frustration and resentment, an absolutely hilarious outburst. If a rapper ever made a rap version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" I'd have to hire a hall and sell tickets before telling Neil, as I'm sure the reaction would be legendary.
By the way, I think Westlife's bed-wetting over not being invited to sing on the record is hysterical. To go along with Dido, Travis, Keane and Coldplay come everyone's favourite boyband, a matter of months before their inevitable split! You aren't missed on the record, you won't be missed when you split-up, now move along quietly. Personally I would have preferred Joe Pasquale to make an appearance on the record instead of them.
Although I haven't asked him I suspect Neil would have swapped Joe Pasquale for Dizzee Rascal. Pasquale's vocal contribution to Band Aid can only be imagined, as can a prospective version of "I know a rap that'll get on your nerves". If you're imagining what I'm imagining... well, let's just keep it to ourselves, for the general well-being of those people who have to live with us. Goodness knows they suffer enough already.
Have a good week!
Tony
Main Archives
