15th November 2004
Hi all,
First of all thanks to everyone who pointed out that I missed Eastenders' star Jessie Wallace calling her daughter Tallulah Lilac. I don't know how I forgot to mention that last week, but at least it is still topical. I don't appreciate kids being given stupid names, but to come under attack by a massive onslaught of American troops upon the news being released is a bit much, isn't it?
Incidentally, if Jessie Wallace is going to put a colour into her kid's name, shouldn't it be something that will help her recognise who her mother is? How about Tangerine for instance? Other important questions remain: At what age can a child safely lie on a sunbed? Can't you see young Tallulah visiting a beach, wondering what it is that any other parent is putting on their child on a sunny day? "Nah, Tallulah, they've got it all wrong, innit?"
Speaking of women who should know better let's talk about my sister-in-law. Lorraine was the recipient of a really warm appeal from her last week. "Do you want to come over tonight? Graeme's working late and everyone else is busy." I know what I would have said, "Wow, I'm the last resort, terrific! Like,
what time do you want me to come round?" It is probably a good thing that Lorraine is a great deal nicer and less sarcastic than I am. I'd have refused the invitation and then called up and played "All By Myself" down the phone to her, shortly followed by Beverley Craven's "Woman To Woman".
She called up again on Saturday when Lorraine was working. "Can you tell Lorraine I've got my niece this weekend if she wants to pop over?" The niece who cried and screamed all the way through your wedding? Yep, I'll be sure to pass that message
right on.
In a completely unrelated development I saw a classic example of someone fighting their corner to a ridiculous extreme this week. In amid a conversation about hairdressing my nutrionist said that she couldn't be a hairdresser as she would be too worried about catching something while washing someone's hair.
"That really doesn't happen," said her colleague. "It's like chiropodists and feet."
Now whether you're calling them chiropodists or podiatrists they both deal with feet, so I know I can refer to my friend Mark's experiences in the field.
"Yes," I said, "But chiropodists wear gloves when they're looking at feet."
"So do hairdressers," came the reply. Obviously very light and transparent ones in my experience then.
Not a lot to laugh about there. Not much to laugh about at work at all. The air-conditioning is still the system that puts the con in air-con.
I think the unseasonal indoor heatwave has affected some people's thinking, and in particular their memories of plot-lines of terrific films. In the premises where I work there are a number of offices which run down the sides of the open-plan suite where directors and other big-wigs work. I dare say you know the type, the sort who don't ever delete an e-mail and call their PA in to change the cartridge on their inkjet printers because they don't know how to (and yet these people make the big decisions - it's baffling, isn't it?).
Anyway, one day in one of these offices I saw the venetian blinds being brushed with a duster. It was making a bit of a noise, so everyone was a bit distracted by it. Cue my query of, "Is that Richard Kimble in there?" This was immediately followed by a large amount of tumbleweed rolling past my desk. So not only did the cleaner have to clean those blinds, but she had an unlikely piece of rubbish to take down to the skip as well.
Is it worth trying to lighten people's day at work, or should I instead heed the words of Mark Twain? "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
(I think I'll shut up now.)
Have a good week!
Tony
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