1st November 2004
Hi all,
Was quite surprised last week to hear that two people Lorraine and I know had got tattoos. I won't say who they are (I wouldn't do that to my brother-in-law and his wife) as their parents don't know yet (oops!).
Tattoos have never been something that have appealed to me, for a number of reasons.
1) They hurt to have them applied.
Apparently, although I've been told that these days that isn't the case.
2) They can look naff when you are older.
If you ever see elderly people with tattoos they don't look too hot. They fade, they lose their sharpness. Technology has apparently improved in the tattoo industry, but who can say for certain what a tattoo might look like in 20-30 years?
3) The tattoo is permanent. Is the relevancy permanent?
Let's go back in time about ten years. Along with a great number of other Palace fans I've had the pleasure of meeting Andy "Wags" Wagon, a really nice bloke and true die-hard Palace fan. In the mid 90s Andy had a ridiculously long consecutive games streak going, highlighted by going to Sunderland one December day shortly after a hernia operation against Doctor's advice.
Anyway, to recap a story told in the old Palace fanzine "One More Point" Andy got a tattoo of the Palace badge on his arm. A matter of months later Palace changed their badge. D'oh!
Special mention here to Richard "Reg" Ellor here, who waited to see what Manchester City would change their badge to before getting a tattoo several years ago. A wise man in the circumstances, although some of his friends would question the wisdom of getting a Manchester City tattoo.
The all-time classic example of this was the Newcastle United fan who saved his dole money, then got a tattoo of Andy Cole on his thigh. Two days after he got the tattoo Newcastle sold Andy Cole to Manchester United. That led to Anne Diamond's ridiculous comment, "Can't he just stay loyal to the player?" That still makes me laugh.
4) If a tattoo is no longer relevant, it really hurts to get them removed.
When I met my housemate Paul in my final year at University he had the name "Rachel" tattooed on his right bicep. As it turns out Rachel was a former fiancee, who he had split up with while they were listening to Level 42's "Lessons In Love" (his words, not mine).
Once Paul had got a bit of money together* (i.e. stopped alternating between Kwik Save and Tesco baked beans because one was 1p cheaper than the other) he started having treatment to have the tattoo removed. Every Tuesday he would come back from a clinic with light plaster over the treated area.
One Tuesday night my housemates decided to take me to the cheesy Uni disco to celebrate my 21st. In the course of the evening I tried to get Paul's attention. A couple of shouts of "Paul!" didn't draw a response, so I unthinkingly tapped him on the right arm. Cue Paul turning round, clutching his arm and looking daggers at me. Not a good thing for me to forget.
*N.B. Paul's financial difficulties weren't due to him being reckless. He was a mature student in his first year at Uni and there was some issue with tax which meant it wasn't worth him getting a part time job in that first year.
5) It really isn't me.
At some point in the summer of 1999 I was watching an Atlanta Braves game on the TV. Chipper Jones came to bat, and I noted something poking down his left sleeve. I eventually realised it was the lower part of a tattoo, something which I thought to be a bit out of character for him.
If you read any interviews with Chipper it doesn't seem to have changed him, so you could argue about how insignificant it is in terms of forming someone's personality. However if I were to get one significant eyebrows would be raised.
(And if you think this point is purely an excuse to reminiscese about how Chipper took on and beat the Mets almost single-handedly in 1999 you would be absolutely right. M-V-P! M-V-P!)
6) Another paragraph which isn't particularly relevant.
Check out these lyrics:
"Eddie waited 'til he finished high school,
He went to Hollywood, got a tattoo,
He met a girl out there with a tattoo too,
The future was wide open."
Altogether now, bit of air guitar... "Into the great wide open, Under them skies of blue, Out in the great wide open, A rebel without a clue..." Yes, I watch far too much VH1, I admit it.
By the way, wouldn't it be great if your future could be wide open just by meeting a girl with a tattoo? As if life is that simple. What is it with songwriters that they just don't have to make any sense whatsoever?
7) People with tattoos tend to go overboard.
Well, some do anyway. They can't just settle with one. Robbie Williams, David Beckham, Vanilla Ice. You've seen them. What makes them so compulsive?
And have you ever seen the cover of a tattoo magazine? Can you spot a millimetre of unblemished skin? We're not meant to be like that, are we?
Incidentally, why do some stores (e.g. WHSmith) place tattoo magazines near the sports magazines? Is there any sort of correlation between the two? Is it meant to make a game involving shirts versus skins more interesting? I'd love an explanation of this.
8) It wouldn't be worth it for the grief I would get from my mother.
Hey, even when you're 29 and living in your own home in another part of the world, there are certain things you just can't do. It just isn't worth it.
Have a good week!
Tony
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