I have to admit that just lately I have struggled to think of bizarre thoughts, so as my life seems pretty bizarre at present here is a run down on my day at work today:
(Features Joyce the mad cashier, Arlene the up-the-spout assistant cashier, Graeme as the winding-everyone-up boss, Evelyn as the Ayrshire foghorn, Joyce's friend "Evil" Jan and Una and Alan as fellow cashroom passengers.)
8.53am - Arrive at work
8.55am - Go to the kitchen to make myself tea - two heaped sugars to help wake me up.
8.56am - Arrive back in cashroom - Joyce's first cry of "more mistakes!".
9.02am - The evil Jan calls for Una, who hasn't arrived yet. Una arrives thirty seconds after I have spoken to the woman feared above anyone else in the cashroom.
9.06am - For the first time in the day Joyce brags of her coming in to undertake unpaid overtime on Saturday. Alan arrives, unusally late.
9.22am - Joyce complains about the new system for the first time today.
11.40am - Evil Jan calls Joyce to make her first complaint of the day. Joyce accepts that Jan is right without question and says she will resolve the problem.
12.38pm - Evil Jan calls Joyce to make her second complaint of the day. Joyce accepts that Jan is right without question and says she will resolve the problem.
12.55pm - Joyce winds me up and I think "I'm definitely going out during my lunch hour".
1.05pm - I accept that I don't have the bottle to walk out of the cashroom when we have a lot of work to catch up on.
1.42pm - Joyce refers to me as "some person".
2.05pm - Joyce patronises Arlene.
2.06pm - Graeme comes in to patronise Joyce about the new system, winding her up, which leads to her shouting at us (eventually).
2.22pm - Alan opens a file for a "Mr Lurrrrrrvvvvvve".
2.35pm - Joyce tells the world that she has an itchy hand (but you probably heard that already).
2.56pm - Joyce complains that she hasn't had her "cigareeeeettttttttte" yet this afternoon.
2.57pm - Joyce has a singalong to herself (sadly not her very amusing "I'll keep working my way back to you, BABE").
3pm - Dawn (one of the juniors) sends me an e-mail (internal - sadly) with the subject "Fee Notes". Knowing that she is begging for copy fee notes it is her job to file in her department I pretend I've not seen the message and don't read it.
3.05pm - Joyce finally departs for her cigarette.
3.10pm - Alan tells me I should just tell Dawn to "get knotted".
3.55pm - Joyce complains about Arlene having her fan on inside the oven, er, cashroom. I wonder if she realises that the warning sign for radiation isn't made up of three fan blades.
4.30pm - I escape to undertake some photocopying in the corridor.
4.56pm - See the time on my computer says "17:00". Rue the fact the network clock is never less than four minutes fast.
5.09pm - Finally leave work!
A quiet day - Jan only complained twice, Evelyn didn't shout down the phone at anyone and I was only briefly patronised! If only they were all as good as this!
Have a good week!